Relationship, Man Woman Relationship Advice Blog
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Kim I would love to see you have a conversation with a couple (hetero woman and Bi man ) in a committed relationship and/or marriage. That would help paint this picture even further. Good conversation!!
I give blood several times a year, I can’t give blood and sleep with gay/bisexual men 🤷🏾♀️, nothing personal. Blood transfusions saved my life, so I give in hopes of helping someone else.
Can’t bisexuals just sleep with/enter into relationships with other bisexuals? It’s a lot to ask of a straight person and gay person to sleep with someone who is bisexual person.
Gays find some gaysStraights find some straightsBisexuals find some bisexuals This doesn’t seem as convoluted as everyone is making it out to be
Once you start becoming friends with the person you should discuss your sexual history. Ensure the person is a good person and determine if you want a relationship with them. Once you have determined that and the feeling is reciprocated talk to them about your sexual history, your health and the state of your finances. These are basic things to cover. ( You would have already discussed religious and political values in the getting to know stage) you don't want to go into a relationship with someone who is not going to accept you fully or who is going to think you are a burden.
And not wanting to date someone who is bisexual is biphobic? How about just not preferable? Why does it have to be considered as an irrational fear just because you don't like it? It seems as though if you are not on board with something you automatically have a fear of it these days. That mentality is unacceptable to me. I feel like that is a form of stigmatizing people whose feelings, beliefs, or practices do not align with yours. It's a way to attempt to make others feel bad for not identifying with the things that you want/lke.
This was a great conversation!! Excellent
the issue with this conversation is that women are not allowed to have our opinions. we’re expected to just be quiet and accept what is said about access to our bodies. diamond’s problem with carlton wasn’t his sexuality, but even if it was: so what? women are allowed to reject bisexual men if they want. this caller admits that men, both bisexual and straight, feel a sense of entitlement to women’s bodies and view women as trophies that prove their masculinity. maybe a woman doesn’t want to be the trophy of a bisexual man who wants to prove his masculinity to society? why are women’s feelings being shut out of this conversation? you cannot say “men have an entitled view of women” then when women try to talk about how we feel, you tell us to shut up and do what bisexual men want. (and this comes from a bi woman.)
May be this is my conditioning I just don’t see why if I don’t want to be with a Bisexual person that’s wrong?
One of the biggest reasons I felt Carlton should disclose is because HE clearly felt he should. I agree with your guest that you aren’t under any obligation to disclose to everyone. If it’s not serious or you don’t want it to get serious it’s fine to not give the other person all your secrets but if you’re holding back something that’s eating at you from someone you want a deep and lifelong relationship with that secret is going to always keep some distance between you two in the relationship. While there’s no obligation to tell all your secrets in a serious relationship there is definitely an expectation that the other person is going to want to share those things with you and I don’t think it was wrong of Diamond to have the expectation that he’d disclose anything important before the proposal.
Carlton was a mess and did not take accountability. I also disagree with the idea that anyone would be considered biphobic just because they choose not to date someone who is, people are allowed their “types” I am not talking about someone who is rude to anyone that is not their “type”. Also I do think that if you are in a traditional/ serious relationship you have to disclose. Being attracted to both sex’s is a part of you, a big part wether it be publicly and personally. Straight people disclose, gay/trans people disclose. Your sexuality is a big part of what makes you, you. It has shown you different perspectives of life, different experience you have had.
As a gay black man, I didn’t realize or think that me not wanting to date a bisexual man makes me biphobic. I understand preference is a whole other conversation but I didn’t see anything wrong with not wanting to date someone who is bisexual. I wanna end this by saying that I respect ALL ppl in LGBTQ+ spectrum I just feel that like black ppl us gays are not all monolithic ppl. I’m glad I watched this video today, it’s still things I don’t quite understand but I’m willing to learn and grow every day.
no, you wanna know WHY Carlton decided to present that ring a second time? women are historically known to feel a sense of obligation to respond in favor of a man proposing to her publicly…..cuz otherwise, the woman is looked down upon and seen as a bitch if she refuses…well, the same applies even if you're not presenting a ring in public for marriage, even if it's meant to seem like a truce…the pressure not to challenge the guy or point out that there are still things that need to be addressed before accepting such a gesture. so in doing what he did, he basically took the chance of her criticism about all the things he did to be voiced by doing that.
I’ve never understood why it’s a phobia to not want to to deal with someone on a romantic level if they like their same sex. We can say we prefer this and that but we better not dare say I don’t want someone who sleeps with their same sex…. I get rejection hurts but why withhold who you are? Do these people not want real love and acceptance 👀
Amazing conversations. Also KIM… Where did you get your glasses from?
The unconscious fluidity and augmentatuion of gender expression part of the conversation is DEEP AF!!!
HIGH KEY…THIS IS THE BEST CONVO IN ALL THE YOUTUBE STREETS!!!
Omg I’ve been waiting on your commentary !! 😩
I really have to disagree with J.R. on disclosure. It's not just about my right to know (something I do not relinquish) but when anticpating a serious, long term relationship; to have to be misunderstood by your person to such a fundamental degree would create, from the outset a kind of distance which borders (and possibly crosses over to) deception. If someone is considering getting serious about someone who's reaction needs 'worrying about', that, to me, is a fair indicator that might not be the right situation for either of them. I'm in an LTR with a bisexual man of color, he's pretty damned awesome, his orientation phased me not at all. But he led with it…even before we ended up together, I knew he was bisexual. I was really glad he was so open. And when he told me about how other women have responded, I was shocked. The idea that something as basic to us as our sexual/emotional make up, would cause us to be viewed by a potential with, disgust, suspicion, etc. Isn't that something *anyone would want to know?
And honestly, speaking solely from my end of things. I absolutely have the right to know a potential partner's orientation, credit status, goals, values etc. These are all things (and more) are all bits of information I need to make decisions about my life and my future with this person.
Carlton was toxic and made himself out to be a victim when the situation could have been avoided if he had been honest from the start. The way he treated Diamond was so uncalled for and disrespectful and degrading. It really didn’t take much for him to snap and he kept lying when he kept insisting that no one from his past had an issue with it. The issue was his lack of transparency, not his sexuality. Regardless, even if she did have an issue with it, that just means that she’s not the one for him. 🤷🏽♀️ simple.
Carlton needs to figure out how to not let this single fact rule over his entire personality. It's not a personality trait and no one is denying you of who you are, but learn how to be honest in your truth, without assuming that everyone is against.
I think we need to ask why it is ok for women to be bi and looked at as feminine but do not allow the same for men. I have heard bi women stayed they do not want to date bi men from phobias based on homophobia. We say that men should not ask the question about how many people women sleep with ut when they say they are bi ask so many questions about who they slept with. Assuming they are promiscuous and not understanding where they lie on the sexuality spectrum.
naw – your personhood and what a person is getting in a relationship with you is something you owe your partner
You don’t want to be with someone who is biphobic anyway
I agreed with Kim speaking about our narrow ideals of Manhood. I also believe Black bisexual men are not as accepted as bisexual Women. And that is because Patriarchy hyper-sexualizes bisexual Women.
I don't think it was that deep for Carlton. He was very intentional with trying to start a fight with her…I was surprised Diamond was still trying to talk to him at one point. She was just trying to understand and explain why she felt like he should have told her. Honestly I think they could have talked through it, she was open to that🤷🏾♀️ smh. He just wanted a moment.
It’s funny how society treats bisexual men like they’re disgusting or unwanted in comparison to bisexual women. Women seem to be the biggest perpetrators claiming that they wouldn’t date a bisexual man simply because of his sexual orientation.
The caller was pro bi-sexuality. He made excuses for Carlton and a bisexual person feelings over the fact that they don’t need to disclose an important part of themselves over a heterosexuals feelings about getting news like that. If I don’t date a bisexual then I’m Bi phobic. But he can choose not to date a heterosexual person. He’s a hypocrite
If a heterosexual woman only wants to date and marry a heterosexual man that doesn't make her biphobic. They are attracted to a certain type of man, that doesn't means she hates or fears other types of men.
Disclosing one’s sexuality, sexual history and status with your sexual partner(s) is so important. I disagree with the guest speaker here. No one is forced to disclose but these conversations are necessary. You always have the right to choose who you want to date at the end of the day.
Anytime you choose to be in a relationship with someone especially when it involves sex, you need to be able to disclose your sexual preferences. if not, then you’re not mature enough to date anyone and you should be by yourself until you are comfortable enough to do so.
That’s not bi phobic. People need to understand what a damn phobia is. It is fear. I don’t want to date someone bi. That’s my preference. Just like I don’t want to date a short man.
When you are not honest about your past, don’t expect to have meaningful relationships in the future.🤷🏽♀️
I think it's weird for people to expect Diamond to automatically accept and be comfortable with his bisexuality. Especially when he wasn't even confident enough to tell her when they were getting to know each other.
No disrespect to the gay community. However I don't want to live in a world where heterosexuality ISN'T the Normal. Only because of nature. Two women two men can't make a child. Be happy be gay be whatever you want. Live in joy. However don't try to change what is normal
The complete lack of respect for Diamond's agency (and women's agency overall) is disturbing. Phobia = fear. Preference is not always rooted in fear.
This guy is problematic. If your Bisexual, your partner “may not be equipped” to understand Bisexuality perhaps because their assumption is that their partner is “straight.” To say that you don’t owe that information to your partner is not irrelevant if your partner perhaps is not okay with being with someone who is Bisexual. So it’s okay to withhold information, particularly when being intimate or planning on with your partner because you don’t want to be stigmatized? That’s deceitful. Further, if you do disclose your Bisexuality, and your partner no longer wants to peruse the relationship DOES NOT MAKE YOU A HOMOPHOBE!
enlightening Excellent interview
Nawl, that need to be address bisexually attach to promiscuous. Teach us. He said i want to step allow from that subject but say he was once like that and then bringing up white supremacy. Can we not ask these questions? And ppl are afraid to ask questions we just feel the need to just accept…and the interviewer gotta tip toe around and walk on egg shells because …we know.
I wish the guest would have given an example of how diamond should have responded so that it wouldn’t be biphobic.
Diamond wasn't biphobic, he was just trash beyond trash. He called this woman out of her name after she was supportive and TRYING to understand. He kept the full truth from her and only waited until she said yes. That's trash behavior, period! There's no excuse for it. He literally stole an opportunity from her to find love for his own selfish reasons. TRASH!
I disagree with Yussuf and Harriet. I don't think you guys factored in the engagement portion and marriage, that are very serious transitions and stages in life (for some people). Disclosure is definitely important. The same way people disclose if they've been incarcerated, or that they're unemployed.
And the fact that he did want to disclose that information (according to your opinion, he has the choice). He thought about disclosing during the dating segment but he waited until after engagement to disclose that information. Even thought Diamond expressed how important it was for her to continue to the next stage. What about her investment? I feel like that's being widely overlooked.
Im bisexual and dating a woman. People think that I am “unique” because of my sexuality. But my male best friend is bi as well. And he’s afraid to even tell a girl about his sexuality. Being bisexual doesn’t mean you cheat, or will be looking for everyone , or are attracted to anyone. Just because you are attracted to men and women, doesn’t mean there are double the choices. We still have preferences!
I'm not attracted to bi men and I've been in a relationship with a woman before. A man being with a man is not romantically attractive to me but it really would just depend. I said I wasn't attracted to women before I met my ex so any person can change my mind.
GENUINE QUESTION: I noticed that For Harriet mentioned a few times that she was stepping back from speaking on certain aspects of the Black bisexual male issue, which I totally agree with and respect since she does not identify as with the LGBT community (based on what she said in this video). I am a white bisexual woman, so if someone asks my opinion about concepts I don't identify with, how should I answer? Typically I will give my opinion but include that I can't speak for the community in question. Instead, should I not have an opinion on it/only try to call upon reputable sources for an answer? (If a female POC could fill me in, I would be grateful!)
I'm a bi girl and I do agree with what he said about it being difficult to date heterosexual people. The majority of my relationships have been with bi and pan people and I don't do it on purpose, it often is just a coincidence. It also has made for better relationships for me because there is that level of understanding that comes from similar experiences. Also straight guys often are either less interested once they learn I'm bi or fetishize it which is always delightful.
Completely unrelated but I also wanted to thank you for captioning the video, it's really helpful and most creators don't do it.
The important question noone is asking- was Carlton manipulating Diamond for airtime and clout and whatever the whole time? Was he being bitchy with her the whole time or did that only start at the dinner before the big reveal. He was being very cold and harsh with her, seemingly suddenly. And later he really tried to pick a fight with her. I think he was trying to push all her buttons to get her to be violent. But she is a lady so he couldn't bait her no matter how crazy he got. I think he was always planning to humiliate her.
It's not homophobic or biphobic to say no to bisexual men or women. I don't hate the person. Think about xenophobia, or social phobia. Phobia does not equate to disagreement or rejection. Phobia equates to fear. There's no fear of that person or hate towards that person that makes me feel like not interacting with bisexuals or homosexuals.
Yussuf also contradicted himself by saying he wouldn't date heterosexual women. When he previously said it's biphobic when you don't date bisexual people. So wouldn't that be heterophobic?
This is why you need to really educate yourself on terminology and stop using it so loosely.
“You don’t owe it to anyone to reveal your bisexuality, not even your sexual partner?”
Ugh and black woman are numero uno in new HIV cases
Radical = Irresponsible
If people are using words like Love or Marriage they need to disclose EVERYTHING. It's about being honest and transparent. We have to get to a point where we stop obsessing about what others think about our Identities. We have to get comfortable in our Own skin to the point where others opinions do not matter more than Our opinions of Ourselves.
Wait, I'm biphobic because I do not want to date a bisexual man? Then, I am also homophobic for not wanting to date a lesbian. Then, I am also classist for not wanting to date a man without a job. I don't agree with this argument, but whatever.
I'm the weird side of YouTube🤮🤮
once he said hes not sure if he could date a heterosexual woman i was done… heterosexual women date MEN…. this conversation was a little outrageous…. no one is biphobic because they choose to not want to date men that sleep with other men… i want a man that ONLY wants women and i dont think thats wrong
WOMEN ARE OWED THE TRUTH ABOUT A MAN'S SEXUALITY BEFORE ANY KIND OF RELATIONSHIP BEGINS. PERIOD.
It's all so confusing! Waaaay too many variables. When dating, I feel like a person should reveal that they're attracted to or have been sexually involved with a person of the same sex, IMMEDIATELY. Allow the other person to decide fairly. I'm also tired of this current narrative where being straight, heterosexual, totally uninterested in being bi, fluid etc. is considered a PHOBIA! 🤬
This J.R. was WILDIN. Man or woman you NEED to be honest.
I didn’t agree with 90% of this convo… 🤷🏾♀️
I AM SO READY FOR THIS ONE!!!! There’s so much there to dissect☕️☕️☕️☕️
I think before you enter into an official relationship you do owe someone an explicit explanation of your sexuality. I am open to bi/pansexual men. I may even be open to polyamory, but I do think when you enter in relationships, all information should be disclosed. People deserve a choice and it is unfair to the other person. I agree that we do need to break the stigma around black sexuality
I knew disliking this video was inevitable but I didn't know I would cut it off at 6:20.
Great video. Unfortunately, it still seems a lot of people in the comments forgot the part where you said heteros can’t determine what’s biphobic.
I read about a few hundred comments and it is very interesting to see the deep-rooted biphobia and homophobia present in the comment section of an otherwise pretty open conversation about sexuality.
No one is saying it's biphobic to not date a bisexual. We're saying it's biphobic to not date a bisexual because they're bisexual. Everyone can say it's just a "preference" (which is really just a coverup for prejudice in this case) to prefer "straight/gay men/women," but it seems like the reasoning behind this "preference" is largely due to phobias. Two of the most prevalent reasons I saw were infidelity and mixed partners. A person's infidelity is based on their morals and their respect for their partner, not their sexuality. It's irrational to think bisexual people are more likely to cheat because they're attracted to more than one gender as there's no logical reasoning to back that statement. Anyone within the LGBT and heterosexuals can cheat, and no one is more likely to do so than the other. Having interests in other genders also shouldn't be a deterrent as if you're in a monogamous relationship, it doesn't matter. Do you (straight or gay couples) ask your partner to disclose their sexual history? Unless you're talking about sexual health (which I highly suggest doing so), you usually don't. It very much operates on a need-to-know basis and for the most part many people rather not talk about past relationships when pursuing a new one. So, just like how straight or gay couples' sexual history often doesn't matter, so shouldn't bisexual's.
I also noticed people using HIV as an excuse to discriminate against bisexual people. First off, kudos for weaponizing HIV (again) against people within the LGBT. Second, there's a lot of ignorance within the conversation.
According to the CDC (https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/basics/transmission.html), HIV is transmitted through specific activities—mainly sex, breastfeeding, and syringe and needle use. "Only certain body fluids—blood, semen, pre-seminal fluid, rectal fluids, vaginal fluids, and breast milk—from a person who has HIV can transmit HIV." And, they have to be in contact with mucous membranes (i.e. rectum, vagina, penis, and mouth). Anal sex is the riskiest type of sex for getting/transmitting HIV (hence why gay couples and bisexual men are more likely to have HIV).
Now, while abstinence is the only 100% way to prevent HIV, people can take medications such as ART or PrEP as prescribed to prevent or reduce the viral load to that of undetectable (and a maintained undetectable viral load is effectively untransmittable through sex). https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/basics/prevention.html. There's also making sure to wear condoms.
How does this tie into discriminating bisexuals? Many people are using HIV as a weapon to specifically ignore bisexuals. Let's say you (as HIV-negative) do not want to need to take PrEP. That's a matter of sexual health and not orientation. If you want to have kids, you can read https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/group/gender/pregnantwomen/index.html.
i identify as a bi-woman and at first i thought that it was wrong for carlton to not disclose before getting ENGAGED. but j.r. had a really great point, that it is up to US to decide when we're ready. i definitely think before getting engaged to someone you should tell them, but this show was a little different since that was only like five days or whatever…but it's true, i don't owe it to anyone to disclose my sexuality. and most of the time, i don't say anything about it. i've only dated men before, so people just assume i am straight and sometimes it bothers me because i am more than that, but being straight passing does have it's privileges. really, i just don't like labels. i just love who i love. but there being a community to be apart of is really nice trying to navigate through this crazy world.
I don’t have any problem with bisexual ppl – the ONLY concern I would have, would be with STI’s and sexual health. It is a scientific proven fact that STI rates are exponentially higher in homosexual male communities (bisexuality included). So if I were to ever seriously consider it, there would be no sex until we both get tested, give the results in sealed envelopes to each other, but even after that, it’s condoms and dental dams until we’re married. Sorry, sue me for taking appropriate precautions 🤷🏽♀️
As a bi woman, I think that Insecure illustrated the double-standard in biphobia really well.
Molly tells her boyfriend an "experimenting in college story" like it's no big deal. Because it isn't. But when he tells her a similar story, she freaks out and ends up breaking up with him because she's convinced he's gay.
I've never felt the need to disclose my sexuality to anyone. And no one ever suggests it's necessary. Telling bi men that they have to disclose their sexuality to their partners is pure gay panic. (Although there is an angle of the world generally taking WW relationships less seriously, but that's another conversation)
In my experience, bi women tend to get most of their biphobia from the LGBTQ community. Bi men have to deal with it from the LGBTQ community AND the straights.
Carlton was wrong period ! If you practice any form of life other than heterosexual and the main participants are heterosexual why not be straight up. He was a liar period
Carlton was in the wrong simple🤦🏾♂️
This whole conversation is so sneaky. Its like thegay men who blame Black religious community for being on the down low. You want to do whatever you want with no repercussions.
White supremacy has nothing to do with why Black people despise super screwing.
Just got my sticker from you in the mail!! Woohoo!As to Carlton, he is clearly a misogynist. Diamond deserved better on that show. In the future, women should ask up front about the sexuality of any man they’re talking to in the pods. It’s an important issue to discuss before getting engaged.
Biphobic, you've got to be kidding. So if a straight woman does not want to date gay, bisexual, transgender person, THEY have the problem?
Being sexually attracted to someone is like having to pee, you can't help it. Call it what you want. All these new phobias are made up crap. Bye by yall.
Honestly Netflix knows what they are doing with this show and who they pick to generate the most reactions and buzz. The age difference couple and how the woman was trying to go after another guy.Has anyone here watched lifetime's Unreal?
I watched this entire season and their interviews afterward. I don't think Diamond had an issue w him being bi, she was just surprised and she barely got to have a word in before he turned on her. I watched an interview with them from Entertainment Tonight (?) and she spoke very emotionally about how her aunt died (killed by a S/O) and how Carlton's words hurt her and he never acknowledged her crying or anything. I have respect for all men but something about Carlton seems manipulative and he gaslighted her a few times and i seriously think he needs to seek therapy to work on how he approaches others and I feel bad for Diamond.
I feel like Carlton had no intentions on telling Diamond that he was Bi-Sexual. I feel like the show producers and ppl behind the scenes put the pressure on him to disclose his sexuality to Diamond which is why when they went to Mexico Diamond felt a change within him that was probably the deadljne.
I’ve been waiting for a new upload. I’m so excited!
oh no if they are calling you homophobic slurs i think misogynistic slurs are tit for tat …..lol
I agree with bi/fluid people not "owing" disclosure of their sexuality to ANYONE, but one would hope that you would WANT to share such a deep part of yourself with the person you are going to spend your life with.
Putting this in the context of a gimmicky dating show…🤷🏻♀️
Thank you , this is great discussion, sharing . Needs to be heard
Whether you want to disclose your sexual preference when you're casually dating is certainly up to any person. HOWEVER, if you are discussing MARRIAGE then most certainly that is something that should be shared. If you think you're going to be lifelong partners , then you should trust each other to disclose all aspects of yourselves. On both sides, you shouldn't want to be with someone that can't love ALL of you.
I have an honest question and I mean no offense by it. As I was listening to them talk I heard him say that it is biphobia if a woman decides that she doesn't want to date a bisexual man. However, the guest himself said that hes not sure if he would date I have a heterosexual woman. That sounded kind of one sided to me. So if a woman doesnt want to date bisexual msn as she's biphobic? but it's ok if a bisexual man/person doesn't want to date heterosexual woman its ok? I am honestly confused. can someone clear this up maybe I missed something in the discussion. I understand her reasoning can make her biphobic but why cant a woman just not want to date bisexual man and not be labeled biphobic?
If you can "choose" when you disclose, which you have every right to.. Then the person on the receiving end has the right to "choose" how they feel about your withholding information that (like it or not) may be a deal breaker. But everyone has the right to break up with anyone for any reason whatsoever. Tell the whole truth from the jump and you can weed out those who aren't with it.
This video was handled quite well.
Thanks so much for this. I'm a bi white woman and I was just so uncomfortable with those scenes and I hurt for both of them. I was very hungry for other perspectives. Thanks for yours and thanks to J.R. for offering it up.
You may not "owe" an explanation about your sexuality but you're not being respectful and lying if you don't disclose. If the person is for you they're gonna be open to understanding who you are. This nondisclosure thing in these types of situations is just dishonesty plain and simple.
WARNING THIS IS A LONG COMMENT AND I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IF YOU GIVE IT A CHANCE AND READ IT KIM. Hey, I not gonna lie I didn’t watch this review because I don’t really care for reality tv but, I’ll like it cuz it’s you and you’er basically my favorite YouTuber. I really love it when you make reviews for movies so, I want to suggest a movie to watch on Netflix that touched me to my soul and as a black man I hope you hear me when I say this is worth a discussion in our community. It’s called “All The Bright Places”and it’s been getting to me since I saw it. It’s about a teen boy who is bipolar and no one sees it or better yet sees it but ignore the signs as he falls in love but ultimately loses his fight. It’s more of a movie about mental health than a love story to me and, I feel they did the lead male role an injustice by changing some of the story. Now inherently it’s based on a book where the lead male is white but, to me that’s irrelevant. I feel this is a issue that transcends race to a degree and deserves a discussion regardless of what It has to do with us. Mental health, bipolar disorder and suicide in black boys being ignored because they are expected to be strong when actually they need love from those around them just as much as girls because of you know gender roles. Being a person is hard. Anyway, You alway have very insightful reviews that have thinking and I learn something every time and I’m not looking for you to do it to put any weight on you to feel responsible however; I think it’s a way to spark a discussion about bipolar disorder and suicide in our community so, we can know and understand the symptoms for anyone so we can hold each other up get the help we need. If you read this long message I appreciate you. And even if you ultimately decide not to do a review I appreciate you still. And I hope your days and nights are filled with love beautiful sun. Fan 132,000-Lacey W. P.S if you go for the review I was really triggered by it I don’t know anyone’s mental state so please be careful. I love thank you
Moral of the story: at the end of the day WE ALL just want acceptance.
I appreciate that you brought in another voice to one of your videos when you felt you that it was something you needed guidance? (for lack of a better term) for when you felt like it wasn't "your" issue to talk about. As a bisexual white woman, I watch your videos to enrich my understanding of the world in ways I might never have come across otherwise, so I appreciate it when others do the same for topics they don't have as much personal experience with. Thank you much and great vid!
Kim, like really? If straight women don't want to date bisexual men, that's it, they don't want to date bisexual men. Why do we always have to baby and cuddle black men? Good grief
disclosure can save you from heartbreak and possibly violence. I don’t agree with that pinpoint because if that person is bigoted they are going to still have those views and just breakup with you.
I heard about Issa Rae talking about making a show for HBO back in 2018 called “Him or Her” and the main character or main lead if you prefer was going to be a sexually fluid (bisexual) black man but it got a lot of backlash from the black community so Idk if it’s still going to happen or not but I would really appreciate a show like that.
I find the biggest issue with bisexuality is bisexuals lack of confidence and self acceptance. If you are secure with yourself you don't need to explain to anyone what you do and why you do it. The reality is we live in a world that is straight normative. We are just now emerging into a space of acceptance for gay people. Trans folks are having a moment and while I agree there are stigmas around bisexuality I do not think, in this moment, the best practice is attacking non bisexuals for not understanding the complexities that surround bisexuality. I will say I came to this video to hear, discuss, and converse about Carlton because he was a disgusting and horrendous example. What homey on the phone is saying is his truth and therefore his feelings are valid and I welcome the conversation. My biggest issue with Carlton though is that he (on the show in the moment) was clearly and obviously not comfortable with himself and therefore he was looking and hoping for validation from Diamond and that in itself is inherently wrong and not fair. The premise of the show was that it's an "experiment" where people looking for love got a once in a lifetime opportunity to find their match unconventionally, without being distracted by the physical, but Carlton ruined that for Diamond because he lied. I like to believe they both were looking for love but Carlton lead their interaction with a lie. I don't care if it's friendship, relationship, or even situationship if you lead with a lie chances are the other person will not be willing to explore further with you. I believe that was the deepest affront Carlton committed and his lack of acknowledgement and ownership of his poor decision is ultimately what pissed me off. Even at the reunion he refused to acknowledge that he messed up. How do you reason with someone who refuses to acknowledge their mistake? The topic of bisexuality is one that needs to be had but I do believe one of the main reason why its so complicated is because bisexuals (in some cases) straddle the fence. They can be "straight" today, "gay tomorrow" and "fluid" the next day. There is privilege and access in all those different categories and they sometime relish, take advantage or even survive within those categories. The reason why there tends to be some type of resolution with gays and trans people is because we have no other choice. When you;re gay you're gay. When you're trans, you're trans. But when you're bi there is still a chance that one day you'll be "straight" and "normal" and "right" and in our discriminating world that is something everyone else holds their breath on. Thank you Kim for doing what you could to moderate this extremely complicated topic but I just don't know if this is one your best videos. Again, I'm here to make sense of Carlton, not bisexuality. He didn't represent himself or his community well because he himself has yet to resolve his internal conflict with his sexuality and I don't give a damn what nobody say, using the excuse to date women because men don't give you the nourishing relationship you hunger for is egregious. That's like saying you don't date Black women because they aren't romantic, or you don't date white women because they are lazy, or you don't date Asian women because they are too submissive. I know many gay male couples who are extremely romantic and supportive and kind to each other. Carlton is Cancelled. The brother still has so much personal work to do.
So does Harriet just agree with her guest this entire video? Being apart of a group does not make you an expert. I never thought Harriet would lose her voice.
What I disagree with is this whole disclosure thing. If you don’t tell me that you’re intimate with both sexes then you are taking away my right to choose if I would want to be with someone who has been in the past with someone of the same sex or opposite sex. Maybe I do want to be with someone who does that or maybe I don’t but you’re taking that choice away from me.
Im beginning to believe that mixing sexualities may be as problematic/drama-prone as mixing races. There’s a huge disconnect even more than white and black people dating. Not worth the effort or drama Lol. If it’s true that we repel those we don’t need or attract those we need, then disclosure makes sense. Only need people who wanna be there 🤷🏽♂️
I'm so glad you did this! I'm going to watch this during my study break! 🙂 Love you and your analysis videos so much!
If you a a chronic disease, a reoccurring STI, or is sexually fluid I want to know before we move forward with a intimate relationship in any form. If I’m not made aware I will sue.
Wow at 31:45 J.R. really does bring up the safety of disclosing sexuality as a bisexual person. That really hit home as a brown bisexual woman. 💔😖
I love the conversation and I love that you brought in someone else who is bisexual and can provide a perspective that is needed. Amazing video!
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