My colleague Katie, is not very happy lately. She seems to have lost her best friend. We have known each other since high school. We are always together like twins. We go shopping and watch movies. We even share the same bed and have girl talk. But ever since she is in love, we haven’t seen each other for more than two months. I know love is important, but… is there really no time for just a cup of coffee? Ever since she had a boyfriend, I feel like she has dumped me. I thought we would be friends for life! Poor Katie, I completely understand how she feels, because I had been in the same situation. The difference is, I’m the one in love. You know…I used to cherish friendship very much and enjoy the time with my friends. Whether I was eating or sleeping, I would drop whatever I was doing when a friend called. However, ever since I was with Eddy, I have become more and more indolent. I’d rather stay at home and watch a TV show than go to a party. The couch is going more and more attracted to me, and chips are more appealing than dinner with friends. I didn’t realize until my friends complained to me that I hadn’t hanging out with them for a long time, and that hurt their feelings. Why would I alienate my friends when I am in love? Am I blinded by love and attached more importance to love than to friendship? Robin Dunbar, British anthropologist, discovered that everyone who is in love would alienate a few friends. He concluded that the maximum number of people that humans can maintain social relationships with is 150. Our brain is like a generator with limited power. No matter how smart you are, you can only light at most 150 lamps at the same time. This is the famous Rule of 150. Think about it, even if there are thousands of numbers in my address book, but the number of frequent contacts is only around…100？ And that includes Santa Claus. In addition, the brightest among these 150 lamps, which are the core relationships we can maintain, add up to only 5. Besides, they are not necessarily all humans! Alright, let me think about my 5 candidates: My mom… My cat Dumpling… Banksy… God, I love his works! My work… Eddy…well, this lamp used to be my friend. When we come across a lamp that desires to be especially bright, the energy supply of others has to be reduced. What’s worse, this lamp of romantic relationship is quite power-hungry. It’s not that we don’t need friendship when we are in love, but our brain is too exhausted to handle so many relationships. The good news is that as couples spend more time together and understand their partners better, they will adapt to the personality and habits of their partners, and the energy consumption of love will gradually decrease. The lamp of “friends” can be back on. In addition, to have lovers or to have friends is not a single-choice question. If both of them are important, it might be a good idea to have them integrated. Introduce your partner and friends to each other,and even have them hanging out together, This will allow your partner and friends to switch from competing for energy to mutually supplying energy. As a result, both your romantic relationship and friendship may be strengthened by this integration of personal relationships. So when you felt alienated by your friend once she falling in love, do not take it as the dismiss of your friendships. Give her some understanding and time. She will come back to you little by little. Or not. You know, we often hear people exclaiming “Friendship Forever, yeah!” But that is not necessarily the case. Thinking about all the friends I’ve made – many of them have already disappeared, even though I was really happy when I was with them. For example, my best friend in kindergarten; we all had a crush on the boy with big eyes in our class, but I don’t even remember her last name now. Time passes, life moves on, and so do we. Every friendship should be cherished. But when it is gone, we should let it be and be grateful. This video is dedicated to Katie and all my friends. Thank you for keeping faith in me even when I am out of power. I believe everyone has encountered alienation of friends when they are in love. Please share your story with us in the comments section.