The Love Song of Marriage // Dave Scharf // Time of Grace // Grace Talks
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The Love Song of Marriage // Dave Scharf // Time of Grace // Grace Talks


This week we’re talking about
relationships in a marriage and today’s topic is actually
just as applicable in marriage as it is in every
relationship that you have. Today I want to talk about communication. Now, the Bible makes it clear how important communication is. In the Book of James
he compares the tongue, or communication, to a
little rudder on a ship that steers the big ship
wherever it wants to go, or to a little spark that
sets a whole forest on fire. In other words, communication is powerful. It’s why James goes on to say that we should be quick to
listen and slow to speak. Why is that such good advice? Well, because once it’s out, it’s out. You can’t take the words
back into your mouth. How many of you have ruined a
nice evening with your spouse or significant other because
of something that you said that you wish you could have taken back? I’m sure that many of us would answer, guilty as charged, right? It’s why people will say
God gave you two ears and one month, use those proportionately. So when we do say something, what do we want to say? Ephesians 4 says this, “Speaking the truth in love, “we will in all things grow
up into him who is the head “that is Christ.” So first of all, in any relationship, especially in a marriage, we want to speak the truth, but we want to do so in love. In other words, you know that
there’s more than one way to say the same thing. One way that you can say it is in a cold and heartless way that tears the person down. But the other way, and the way
scripture wants us to say it is a way that shows the other person that you care about
them, that you love them, that you want to build them up. In fact, that’s what Paul
in Ephesians goes on to say. He says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk “come out of your mouths, “but only what is helpful
for building others up “according to their needs.” Only what is helpful
for building others up. Just pause on that for a second. I’ve got a challenge for you and I really want you to do this. So tomorrow you’re going to wake up and you are only going to think about what other people need, okay? So that means that everything
that comes out of your mouth, everything you say is going to only be to build other people up. First of all, do you know
how hard that’s going to be? And it will be hard. I think we realize when
we really intentionally try to do that, how much of what we say is really focused on self. But secondly, if you do that, even if
you do it imperfectly, do you know what kind of day that’ll be? It’ll be an incredible day. Not just because you
built other people up, but because of what happens
when you build others up, the natural thing for them to do is to build you up as well. And that’s certainly how it works in the marriage relationship. Husbands and wives build each other up and they feed off of one another. Have you ever read the
book of “Song of Songs”? You might think that it’s a
little bit of a strange book because many of the pictures
and phrases that are used in that book, we don’t really
use in everyday conversation. But basically the “Song
of Songs” is a love song between husbands and wives. I just want to read a little section about how the husband speaks of his wife. He says, “How beautiful
you are, my darling. “Oh, how beautiful. “Your eyes behind you veil are doves, “your hair is like a flock of goats “descending from mount Gilead.” Ladies, if you had a nickel for every time your husband
told you that, right? “Your teeth are like a
flock of sheep just shorn, “coming up from the washing. “All beautiful you are, my darling. “There is no flaw in you.” So, as the husband speaks to his wife, he praises her, he adores
her, he builds her up. And what do you think
her response to that is? Well, it’s just the same. She praises and adores and
builds him up in return. It’s interesting that this
is how Jesus speaks to us. One of Jesus’ favorite pictures for us, his church in the Bible, is to call us his bride. And it’s super interesting, when you read scripture,
he never talks about us as the 2,000 year old hag who
never gets anything right. No, he only ever talks about us as what he’s made us to be, by his cross, spotless, blameless, without blemish. And so today you may not use the words of “Song of Songs”, though if you do, just a tip, it does break the tension a little bit in an argument with your spouse. But praise someone today. Build somebody else up because you’ve already, in Jesus, been built up as far as you can go. Let’s pray. Dear, Jesus, you call us your bride and communicate your
love for us in the word. Motivate us by that love to communicate to build up everyone else in our lives, especially our spouses. In your precious name I pray. Amen. Thanks for watching. Today we talked about communication and I just want to remind you
of the challenge I gave to you that I want you to live all of tomorrow only thinking of how you’re
going to build other people up. Put down ideas, post ideas on
how you could build others up and then after tomorrow, come
back and tell us how it went. God’s blessings on your day.

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